


Held in My Heart

by divinesarcasm



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Memory Loss, Mutual Support, Mutually Unrequited, Past Character Death, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Strangers to Lovers, hand holding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 15:43:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6572086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinesarcasm/pseuds/divinesarcasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an accident two years ago, 16 year old Harry has lost his memories, his family, and himself. Unable to recover his memories and now a stranger to everything he once knew, he decides to move on from his former self and start anew at a Boarding School. There he meets 18 year old Louis, who is in danger of failing out of school due to not only his academics but also his behavior. Louis is placed on academic probation, his possible expulsion pending the results of his mandated therapy sessions. The only way that his therapist will authorize a lift on his probation is if he can prove to her that he's capable of forming a healthy relationship with at least one person in his life. Two lost souls and one pretend relationship later equals everything that both of these boys ever wanted but never knew they needed.</p><p>OR</p><p>Harry becomes a stranger to himself and the only relationship in his life that's fake is the only one that actually makes him start to feel real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Held in My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic in the One Direction fandom (or in any fandom, actually), but I love writing and love this fandom so hopefully some of you will enjoy it. I'm not British nor am I well-versed in anything British-related (other than what I see on TV), so I tried to leave the geographical setting of the school ambiguous...so you can imagine it to take place wherever you want! Although, of course, the characters will be speaking American-English.
> 
> As the story goes on, I will add more tags as things come up but I put the main ones on there!
> 
> I doubt anyone is reading this, but if you are...I hope you enjoy :)

Harry promised himself that he wouldn’t do this, not this year. He would not spend another year of his life attempting to put back the pieces of himself that he lost. That boy was gone.  He fell asleep in the back of his parent's car and he woke up in the hospital to learn that everything had changed. At least, that's what the doctors told him. Two years later and Harry still hadn't recovered any bit of memory from that day or any days before. Harry spent every day of the last two years reading his old journals, walking down his old favorite paths, and acting the part of who he used to be. In the end, he concluded that he no longer felt any attachment to that life. He tried so hard to retrace who he was. According to everyone around him, he needed to recover his memory in order for him to move on. Today, he decided, he would stop. He decided he would move on without it.

He sat on the cold pavement, knees squeezed against his chest as the wind smacked his wild curly chocolate hair against his face. He came to this spot every day, in attempt to trigger a memory out from within him. If anything could, he figured the site of the accident was the best chance he had. The only thing he ended up gaining was a quiet place to think. No one liked coming here, let alone stopping by for a chat. It was the only place where he felt like himself, _whoever that was_.

“I’m sorry I’m late…” a breathless voice emerged from behind him. His sister came stumbling down the steep hill, “I thought I was picking you up at home then I remembered…”

Gemma had finally caught up to where Harry sat on the pavement and suddenly realized where they were. She glanced at the memorial built in their parent’s memory then back at Harry.

“We’re late. Let’s go.” She promptly grabbed Harry’s suitcase and turned back up the hill, towards the car.

Ever since the accident, his sister avoided this place like the plague. Harry understood – after all, some people still had their memories. To Gemma, this place was the source of her nightmares. To Harry, this place was the source of his greatest mystery. He knew he shouldn’t have asked Gemma to pick him up from here but he needed to sit here one last time before he left. He had to say goodbye to the parents he wished he could remember and mourn. He had to say goodbye to the Harry Edward Styles who had died here, the one he tried for the past two years to bring back to life.

As Harry stood up and turned around, he saw his sister already in the car – hands on the wheel, staring blankly at the windshield. Harry immediately regretted asking her to meet him here. He swiftly picked up his pace, trying not to delay this any longer. He hated seeing her like this. It would almost be better if she broke down and started crying, maybe then he would know how to comfort her. Maybe then he could wrap his arms around her and tell her that he was sorry. Instead, in these moments, she would just freeze. Her skin would turn to stone and no words would grant any reaction. Any touch would garner only resistance. He wished he knew how to reach her – how to heal his sister – but instead, she was no more than an acquaintance to him. The longer he went without gaining his memories back, the colder she became towards him, and the less he knew how to reach her. _She probably misses the real Harry_ , he thought glumly, _how disappointing this version must be for her._

“Are you ready?” Harry whispered as he gently reached for her hand. He had to try.

As if she read his mind, she sharply pulled her hand away to tuck a rogue strand of hair behind her ear. “We’re going to be late,” Gemma stated matter-of-factly and just like that, both hands were back on the wheel and they were leaving.

Harry rested his head against the cold window and as the trees started to blur into a mirage of greens and browns, he wondered what the first day of boarding school would be like. _A place where no one knows me_ , just the thought alone coaxed him into a gentle sleep.

 

*

“Fuck!” Harry exclaimed as he practically fell out of the town car, narrowly missing the pavement thanks to his sister’s quick reflexes. As predicted, they were late. They almost missed the last train, the rental car that was meant to be waiting for them was gone thanks to a disappearing reservation, and they just barely managed to hail a town car at the crack of dawn so they could attempt to make it here in time.

“Watch it, yeah?” Gemma steadied him into an upright position and for a second Harry thought he saw a softness in her eyes.

“Sorry...” Harry exhaled as he hurriedly tried to straighten his disheveled black suit. He truly was a mess. He knew changing in the backseat of a moving vehicle probably wasn’t the best idea, the driver certainly would agree based on how many times he awkwardly cleared his throat during the whole endeavor. Harry didn’t care though, this was his new beginning and he didn’t want to waste another second of it. Just as Harry was about to dash towards the assembly hall, he felt a sharp tug on his shoulder.

“Hold on, will ya? What am I to do about this stuff?” Gemma placed a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow to him, gesturing towards his luggage.

“Could you…” Harry started to ask, hesitantly. It’s not that he didn’t believe she wanted to help him, it’s just that he hated to even have to ask.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…I’ll check you in and put your luggage in your room, I got it. I’ll leave the key above the door frame, ok? And text you the room number?” She almost smiled before she started to unload his luggage from the trunk.

“Thank you, Gemma.” He almost smiled back.

“Just remember this, okay? You owe me one.” She winked at him and with the slightest hint of a smirk on her face, she turned to make her way towards the boys’ houses.

Just like that, he was alone. Harry looked up at the campus before him. The red brick walls that towered over him made him feel like a mouse frozen before the feet of a giant. Standing in the yard, looking up at Gothic-style towers before him, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. _You can do this, Harry._ And with that, he opened his eyes and sprinted towards the Assembly Hall. He refused to look back anymore.

 

*

With a crackling boom, Harry fell into the Assembly Hall. As the tall cathedral doors closed behind him, a sense of anxiety crept beneath his skin. Time froze as he took in the scene around him. Hundreds of eyes looked back at him; at his curly hair (half-covering his face), his loose tie (completely off-center), and his white-collared shirt (not yet completely buttoned). Suddenly his eyes locked with the person, who he could only presume is the Headmaster, standing at the podium. After what felt like hours, he thought he heard a voice echoing across the distance of the hall.

“Young man…” the Headmaster projected sternly, “are you lost?”

“Hmm?” Harry replied back, as he begun to stand, his voice just barely above a whisper.

“Are…” the Headmaster began again, dictating his words slower than before “you…lost…?”

“I’m...” Harry’s thoughts swirled in his mind as he tried not to focus on all the eyes around him “…Harry.”

A flutter of giggles arose subtly across the student body.

“Well then, Harry…” The Headmaster stated unamused “if you are, in fact, not lost then I suggest you take a seat so we can continue today’s orientation without any further interruption.”

The Headmaster slightly tugged on his robe and adjusted his glasses, as if Harry’s mere presence disoriented everything proper and right in this world. He turned his attention back to the podium and continued to read a passage from his novel, “Here at Rosemary Academy, we believe…”

Harry began to look around for an open seat when he heard a voice, a whisper piercing through the air.

“Oi, Harry! Over here!”

Harry turned around and saw a boy with sea blue eyes and bleach blonde hair beckoning him from the very last row of seats in the Hall. Hesitantly, he approached him and took the empty seat next to him.

“I’m Niall. Niall Horan.” The blonde boy whispered as he reached his hand out awaiting Harry’s reply. “It’s nice to meet you.” A smile instantly spread across his face.

 _Why is he grinning from ear to ear?_ Harry mused. _I haven’t even said anything yet._

After apparently waiting a little too long to reply, Niall closed the gap to shake Harry’s hand.

“Thanks for that, by the way. Thought I was about to fall asleep before you barged in. What a scene! I thought Headmaster Crawley was going to have an aneurysm from the looks of that vein on his forehead…” Niall quietly chuckled at the thought.

“Oh. You’re welcome then, I guess…” Harry replied quietly, a bit taken back by Niall’s easygoing nature. The boy talked to him already as if they were childhood best friends. It had been so long since anyone talked to him this way. So long since anyone had talked to him as if he wasn’t the boy who lost his parents, his memories, and himself all in one grand swoop. Harry bit on his lip nervously, as Niall continued.

“Oh no, the pleasure was all mine! So far you’re definitely the best part of this whole dreary orientation. Trust me, mate, the only thing you missed so far was a passage from Shakespeare and the beginning of our Academy’s Creed.” Niall relaxed back into his seat, one hand resting behind his head and the other already focused on some game on his phone.

Once the orientation had ended and the faculty had left the building, the Hall erupted into a flurry of shuffling and conversations. Harry looked over as Niall had sprung to his feet and started to stretch.

“So, Mr. I’m Harry, what’re up to now?” He looked around at the room, “It looks like the Dining Hall is a popular choice, you in?” Niall smiled at him and waited expectantly for his reply.

After his grand entrance earlier, he kind of felt like just unwinding in his room. “Well…” Harry started, afraid to offend the very first and perhaps only friend he had at this school.

As if he already knew the answer, Niall placed a gentle hand on Harry’s shoulder and relieved his worry. “You’ve probably had enough excitement for today, huh?” Niall titled his head and nodded, as if answering for Harry. “Do you know what room you’re in?”

Harry reached for his phone to check the text Gemma had sent him with his room number. “I’m in the Camden House, room 4?”

“Oh sweet!” Niall gestured loudly, “I’m in the Camden House too, room 7 right across the hall! Do you need any help finding it?”

“I’ll be fine…I think I can manage to make it there in one piece…I’m not entirely useless yet. Thanks though.” Harry gave Niall a half-smile, as they started to walk out of the Hall and towards the courtyard.

“Well one thing you’ll learn about me, Harry, is that I’ll never turn down good food. I’m going to see what this lovely school has to offer…see you later at the house though?” And with a hop and a skip, Niall quickly disappeared towards the Dining Hall.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy his new friend’s company, in fact, he enjoyed the company even more than he thought he would. It was just that the hours that passed already felt like days, and all Harry wanted to do was go home. The only problem was, he had no idea what home was or what it even felt like anymore.

 

*

After three wrong turns, two failed attempts to find some sort of map, and a brief and unusual encounter with a few members of faculty _(who knew that faculty housing wouldn’t be properly labeled?)_ , Harry finally arrived at the Camden House for Year 12s. As he walked down the hallway, he realized that he didn’t have his key. Even though Gemma assured him that she’d leave it above the door frame, he couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious at the possibilities. _What if there wasn’t enough of a ledge on the door frame? What if there wasn’t a doormat to leave it under? Surely Gemma would’ve texted to let me know, wouldn’t she? How would I find the right building to go to for help when I had so much trouble even finding my own building?_   Harry couldn’t help but ruminate about his impending homelessness, as he slowly made his way down the long dimly lit hallway.

As he approached what appeared to be his room, he realized that his door sat wide open. He immediately picked up his pace, walking briskly down the hallway to examine the situation. Running into the room, he slammed head-first into what felt like a brick wall and fell to the ground.

“What the hell?!” Harry exclaimed from the floor, as he tried to focus his vision on the scene above him.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” The boy standing over him frantically replied.

Harry looked around at the half-empty box turned sideways on the ground and an array of books scattered across the floor. He then looked up at the brown-eyed boy above him who now stood with both hands behind his head, mouth agape in worry.

“I’m…okay, I think.” Harry rubbed his hand against the corner of his forehead, hoping to avoid a bruise. “My head hurts a bit, but I think I’m fine.”

The boy ran his hand through his warm brown hair, relieved, and then offered Harry is hand for assistance. “My name’s Liam, by the way. Are you sure you’re okay? I swear you just came out of nowhere!”

Harry waved Liam’s hand away, as he helped himself up. “What did I hit anyways? It felt like a hundred pounds…”

“…those were my books, or box of books actually. I was just carrying them over to the closet by the door when you crashed into me.” Liam explained as he guilty glanced down at the mess of books around him. “I’m so sorry…I should’ve held it lower. I couldn’t really see in front of me…are you sure you don’t need to go to the infirmary or anything?”

“No, no, it’s okay…I’ll be fine.” Harry actually started to feel a little bad for the boy in front of him, he could see how genuinely concerned Liam was. “Just curious though, what were you doing putting your box away in my room anyway?”

“I’m your roommate! Your name’s Harry, right? Nobody told you? Your parents should have gotten something in the mail…” Liam chuckled as he began picking up the books on the ground and placing them back into the box.

“Well…” Harry considered if he should clarify; if he should say that his parents are dead and that his sister barely speaks to him because he’s become a shell of the person he once was; if he should say that it was his idea to go to this boarding school and that his sister only talked about it when trying to figure out where she needed to sign and when she needed to drop him off. “It must’ve gotten lost somewhere,” he decides.

“Yeah, well, apparently there was an odd number of boys in our year and so it was going to leave you with a single but someone unenrolled and…well, here we are!” Liam exclaimed before he noticed the slight frown on Harry’s face and continued, “…I hope you’re not too disappointed…I know we started off rough with the books and the slight bump on your head, but I swear there will be no more injuries from now on! Not on my watch!” He smiled at Harry with a hint of uncertainty. “Okay?”

“Yeah, don’t even worry about it. It’s fine. I was just a bit surprised, that’s all.” Harry reached over to help Liam carry the heavy box to the top of the closet shelf. “Do you read a lot?” He asked, as he finished helping Liam and walked over to the bed that held his luggage.

“Not really…hence, me putting them in the closet. Those are all from my parents. They wished I read more…it’s actually the whole reason why I’m here. Academics has never really been my thing but they think a school like this will kick me into gear…” Liam sighed as he plopped down on his immaculately made bed.

Self-consciously Harry looked down at his naked bed. He felt too tired after the events of the day to actually make up his whole bed, so he took a sheet out of his luggage and haphazardly placed it on the bed to lay on. “So you’re new this term, too?”

“I guess so,” Liam said absent-mindedly as he begun to pull out his laptop, “that’s probably why we got placed together…” The boy now fully focused on something on his screen.

“If you don’t mind, I’m a bit tired. I think I’m just going to go to sleep, if that’s okay…?” Harry reached over to his nightstand to turn off his lamp.

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about me…I’ve got headphones so I promise I won’t bother you. Have a good rest, Harry.” Liam waved his hand at him, as he remained focused on his screen.

Harry didn’t mind. In fact, he preferred not to have any extra attention on him. He preferred that people didn’t ask him questions about himself, questions he definitely did not have the answers to. His mind began to coax him into a peaceful sleep, as he thought to himself – _I made it through this day_ – and he smiled as he realized that not once today did he try to force his memories out of hiding. Not once did anyone look at him with a hint of pity in their eyes because he unintentionally reminded them that the Harry Edward Styles they had once known no longer existed. Even through chaos, embarrassment, and slight injury, he was ‘just Harry’ in the eyes of everyone at this school – and he liked that.

**Author's Note:**

> There was no Louis or Zayn in this chapter, sorry! But good things will come to those who wait (and I can guarantee they will be in the next chapter)! I wanted to spend some time establishing Harry's character and his new relationships with each of the boys...so hopefully I did that. *sweats nervously*


End file.
